Loneliness is a dismal dark lands.
I have wandered their plains in recent times.
You might have been there..
Because there are many of us.. Walking through the same desert of loneliness.
My "I've been horribly lonely" badge has been planted firmly on.
Seeds of discontent are the produce that loneliness sprouts..
And I've been discontent.
A lonely discontent heart.
That just spells trouble. With a capital T.
Loneliness rarely has to do with who is around us.
I could be justified in being a lonely ol' soul right now...
My go-to person left the room on April 20th last year.. And her leaving has left a ginormous mother shaped hole in my world.
My weeks lately have been quiet.. My husband is working away 5 nights a week. When the boys go to bed, I have hours stretched out each night where I sit alone.
And alone has come to mean lonely.
And lonely has lied her way into the fabric of my life and now I'm discontent.
Discontent has a catch cry- she yells "well... It's just not fair!"
Lies.
So here I sit.
Lonely.
Not fair.
Blah blah blah...
I am actually not meant to be lonely. Or discontent. Because I'm not alone.
Actually.
I heard a song this week.
It smashed me to pieces.
It grabbed "lonely discontent" by the throat and told her to back off.
It had me sitting on my kitchen floor, sobbing.
It is called "When I leave the room." Sung by the beautiful Natalie Grant.
Listen to it if you never have.
It's a lullaby love song. To a child from a mummas heart.
And the words chipped away at the lie that I'm meant to be lonely because I have no mum here to run to anymore, and I'm meant to feel lonely because my husband is away.. And I'm supposed to be lonely because I'm too busy to nourish friendships.
The words tell a story about how a mum knows that her child is always held close in stronger, safer arms than her own.
That when a mum leaves the room after turning off the lights, she leaves Jesus there.
Jesus.
Hello shoppers.
Here's the lie that lonely discontent has been revealed as-
I'm not lonely because He will never leave me lonely.
When mum left to go her eternal home, she turned and saw that I was in the arms of Jesus. Nothing new there. She had always seen me safest in her Saviors arms.
When Jesus said "I will never leave you. I won't forsake you.", he actually truly meant it.
The dark lands of loneliness is a place that doesn't need to be entered, let alone lived in. It's not my dwelling place.
There's a better dwelling place.
The shadow of his wings.
Not dark lands.
But the shadow of his presence.
If you are a lonely discontent heart... Find the shadowed place.
And be surrounded.
And rest easy there.
