Hello... Again.

We've been somewhere near here before.
Close to this juncture..
Nearby this path of 'what-ifs' and 'why, oh why'..
It all looks familiar and yet it's heartbreaking in the new aspects we are facing.

Yes..it's been a while since I wrote to you all.
I was quiet for a while. Busy enjoying normality...
And now- well, I guess this is hello again.

Here's what's been happening in my little world:
* we fought hard when the cancer diagnosis was first given and we saw great success for 12 months of the phase 1 chemo treatment.
* we moved north to be around the support force that is our families.
* we both got amazing jobs. We love our jobs
* we enjoyed the serenity of our little house...

And in the days and weeks and months that slid by, I relaxed.
I found myself wondering what I had been worried about when diagnosis and prognosis and treatment were all new words.
After all... Things had been bad and scary at the start, but surely those days were a thing of the past.. right????!!! Surely my family had experienced enough of a rough time.

And then my world rocked...no, shattered into a gazillion pieces on Easter Sunday. My strong, courageous, noisy, brilliant, generous mum went. Just like that. She was here, and then she went. Just one breath. That's the difference between being here and being gone.
We grieved and I honestly didn't know what I would do without my go-to person.

And I thought.... Ok, now I can't be stretched anymore.
We've dealt with the cancer diagnosis and those hellish early days.
We've transplanted our lives...
We've said goodbye to mum....
Enough already.

Sheldon got on a plane this week. He flew into Sydney to have the checkup. The last time he had been there, it was glowing good news. Cancer shrinking. Cancer being beaten back. Time was ours, stretching out in front of us. It was a great checkup.

That was then.

On Wednesday afternoon, at 3:02pm, I heard his voice on the other end of the line. It wavered and cracked wide open as the words I desperately didn't want to hear were said... "Babe... It's not good. Not good at all.."

And everything stopped.
The world actually stopped spinning.
Just for a second.
That second.

This is now.

So.... Here we are. At the starting line of a path called "phase 2"..."plan B"....
Plan B is a new type of chemo.
The word on the street is that it's not a walk in the park... It's a tougher treatment than what we've known. We fervently hope that Sheldon responds well.
Because fighting this is a given.
It's not an option to NOT go down this path.
Their names are Krystopher, Matthew and Lukas.

Hello again.
I have to say- I didn't miss talking to you all while I was busy living our life .

I write this so you know.
So you can keep up to date
So you can know what to close your eyes and whisper a prayer about...

I write this so it doesn't drown me... Swamp me...
Wring me out....

Writing helps me sort my head out.
So thanks for reading this... This sorting room for my thoughts and my questions and my ups and my downs.

Tomorrow we are taking the boys to search for platypus, to have a picnic in the mountains and make some memories.

That's a happy day.