Oh, 2015...

Good old Robert Burns.
Poet extraordinaire.

Penned a Scottish ditty.
You know it well..

Groups of revellers link arms around midnight tonight and belt various forms of it out ..

It's Auld Lang Syne.
And it's basically about how we can cast an eye back to what has been and a call to remember our old friends.
The ones we don't see.
The ones we have said goodbye to.

I said goodbye to my best friend in 2015.
I held his hand and watched him go.

Oh..  2015.

I don't know if I quite want to farewell you in a few short hours.
You, 2015... you are forever ingrained in my fibre. You are woven into my being... you are stamped on my heart.
You are the numbers that are his earthly end.

Oh, 2015...

You, 2015... you will be remembered and recalled by his sons and our future grandchildren.
Our sons will always know you... The year they witnessed their father so bravely, so courageously fight until that very last heart beat. That very last breath.
Fight for them.

On the last day of school, the boys principal reminded me of something profound.
He encouraged me to remember that 2015 was, yes..by far the toughest year I've ever experienced.
But... 2015 was also beautiful.
Stunningly beautiful.
Breathtakingly beautiful.

It was.
You were. Oh, 2015... you were horrendous and you were beautiful.

You offered us time.
Time.
Extra time.
Time in terminal waiting. But time.
Minutes and hours.
Days and weeks.
Time in the year 2015..
Time we knew was limited and fleeting.
Time we treasured.

So we grabbed you... oh 2015. We grabbed you and we treasured you.
We took the boys on the bucket list tour of theme parks.
We took a million photos.
We adored each other.
I linked my fingers into his.
I memorized his face.
I knew it was our last year.

In those minutes and hours that we... just me and him... spent together.
He prepared me.
2015 was the year he prepared me.
He told me I'd be ok.
He'd paint me a picture of my days in 2016..2017...2018.. without him.

Yes. 2015.
I'm not sure if I'm ready to say goodbye to you.
But... the one thing you've shown me consistently in these 365 days is this:
It doesn't matter if I'm ready.
You'll march on anyway.
Your days and hours.
You will march on.

You will end.
2015 will be over.

And I will sigh.
The sigh of someone who casts a glance back.
The sigh of someone who will whisper in Auld Lang Syne...
The sigh of a woman who misses her man.

And then.
I'll bring to mind the breathtaking beauty of these days.
These last days we had him.
The kindness. Oh the kindness that echoes through 2015.
I'll sigh.

And then.
Because he directed me to...
I'll bring my eyes foward.
To the coming days.
To the new that waits.
To the firsts and adventures that I will uncover in the days and hours of 2016.

So..
Goodbye 2015.
I hate you.
I love you.
I treasure you.
I rage against you.
You were our last one.
You were sweet.

Thank you.