About Sheldon.

I have been staring at this screen for a while now.

Wanting to find the perfect way to tell you all what needs to be told.

I wrote plenty of words while I waited and watched over him in those hours and hours, but I'm not ready to tell you that yet. One day I will.

But today I want to tell you about Sheldon.

I have given so many words to the battle and the heartache of finding beautiful. So many sentences have taken you on the journey with us.. You have walked beside us and carried the burden.

And today I just want to tell you about Sheldon.

He was our calm. 

I was the storm and he was the calm. 

I would make mountains out of molehills and he would scrape away the useless mounds of sand so that I could see what I truly needed to deal with. 

He was the steadying hand that I could count on. 

He would pull me back from over analysing the world or from the dark silences that I would find when my world was so noisy. 

He was the smile. That smile that would light up any dark mood. 

A smile that would make the crappest of days seem more manageable.

He was the problem solver and the people manger. I would ring him at work and complain about the computer or someone at work and he always ALWAYS had an answer. And yes, my darling. You were normally right. 

He couldn't sing. Not a note. The man was tone deaf.

He couldn't dance either, and unfortunately one of our sons has inherited this trait. (Sorry buddy)

He had some crap taste in music.

He loved terrible scu-fu movies.

He talked through movies.

He had an opinion on everything.

He loved that I disagreed on some of his opinions.

He had a dream to have a massive herb and organic vegetable garden. He wanted it to take up acres. He had plans to source cafés and restaurants with valley fresh herbs.

The dream was so real to him he would stand at the farm and I know he could see it.

He loved generously.

He cared for his friends with a genuinely kind heart.

Trust me.. Even if you haven't heard from him or he didn't text you, he talked and worried over where you were at. How your marriages were going. What decisions you were making in your careers and businesses. He cheered when you had a win and he worried over you when you struggled. 

What a friend he was.

He was my favourite human being. 

I loved everything about him. 

The flaws and monumental stuff ups that humbled him and softened his heart.

The strength and capacity to dream bigger that I've ever dared to. 

I guess the thing I loved the most... The thing I will miss the most is how he was such a great dad.

I can't even write these words right now. 

It's too hard to think about our sons being without him.

I just can't.

I'll tell you all another day. 

But he was the best.

And today. On Father's Day. You aren't here.

Sheldon. You are with your Father God.

Heaven will shout to you today.. "Well done awesome man. Well done daddy!!"